Lily: part time James Bond
by mulberryjam
Summary: written (rather poorly I'm sorry to add) for the English Idioms Challenge


**Disclaimer: I own nothing, I claim nothing (except my own poor verses)**

* * *

Clearly I was not having a very good day.

It took me two floors to realize that I had left my bag in Defense. I wanted to get some last minute studying in during lunch so I wouldn't completely bomb my Transfiguration test, but when I went to get my book out of my bag, I realized I didn't have it. After saying a quick sorry to Alice, I tore back up the marble staircase and along the second floor. There wasn't enough time now for me to study during lunch, but I needed my bag.

Let me pause for a moment to explain: I, Lily Evans, Head Girl and resident "good girl" of Hogwarts was running in the corridors. What can I say, it was an emergency.

If I didn't have my bag, I wouldn't have my quills and ink and parchment (not to mention that horrid three foot essay McGonagall made us write on partial human transfiguration) and that meant that I would get a detention! Probably not, but I wasn't thinking clearly at the moment.

I ran up another staircase and flew down the corridor towards Defense (actually I was walking by now, my sudden burst of energy well past used up). I was a girl on a mission, like James Bond, preventing catastrophes all over the place. Yeah.

My mind drifted to James Bond, he was so attractive in that last movie. Why were all the James's I knew gorgeous? I really only knew one, but I liked to pretend that I knew James Bond too. Still, I thought, is the name James just a guarantee of hotness or something? Because that would explain why I found James Potter hot.

That thought was enough to stop me mid corridor. Oh no. Oh no no no no no. Oh dear, if this got out I'd never live it down.

And to make matters worse, I heard voices approaching my frozen-in-shock state in the middle of the third floor corridor. It was the Marauders. Merlin!

After a few moments of panic I ducked behind the nearest tapestry and pretended to be flat, invisible, and part of the wall. It really wasn't my best move but I was still thinking like James Bond, and apparently James Bond would hide behind a dusty tapestry so I would too.

Clearly I was not having a very good day. Maybe someone spiked my juice this morning… I'd have to look in to that. But shhhh subconscious voices, I heard a real one!

"Remind me again Prongs why you're carrying two bags." Sirius Blacks' voice was a lazy drawl.

"Yes James, wasn't one enough?" Remus Lupin sounded like he had a million other things to do.

"Is it a new workout?" Peter Pettigrew was officially unconcerned.

"No you goons it's Lily's. She forgot it in Defense and I- I thought I'd bring it to her." James Potter's voice was a little higher than normal. Was he nervous?

"Of course" Black, Lupin and Pettigrew.

"Evans, ever the culprit. Really, Prongs why do you let her make you all chivalrous?" Black said the word like it was something particularly disgusting on the bottom of his shoe, "It's nauseating, just because she left something behind doesn't mean you have to jump at the chance to help her. Feminism, let the girls do things themselves."

"Padfoot, that is not how feminism works." I couldn't have been hearing this, James Potter had defended feminism? To his mates? "Feminism is where you respect women. You do things like chivalry not to undermine their power, but to say 'I respect that you are awesome and I will use my naturally given upper body strength to make your life easier.'"

There was a pause in the conversation. They had all stopped to stare at James.

"Where did you read that-"

"It's official, he's a sap now. He's past the point of no return."

"-because I refuse to believe that you made that up on the spot."

"Agrippa."

"Wait a moment, are those feet?" Oh no. Oh no no no no no. Oh dear, if this got out I'd never live it down.

"Yes, Moony I think they are."

"Whose feet though?"

"Let's think Wormtail, do those look like boy feet to you?"

"Uh no."

"So they are girl feet. Now are they particularly big?"

"Uh no."

"So they are _pretty_ girl feet."

"Yes, yes he gets it Pads. What I want to know is who is she and why is she behind the tapestry."

"Very astute of you Moony."

"Uh James? You seem awfully quiet all of a sudden. Are you alright?" Oh my god, I bet he'd recognized my feet. It took me a moment to realize that was ridiculous (maybe, probably not).

"It's- she- feet- heard-"

"James? Are sure you're feeling alright?"

Using their preoccupation with James as cover, I ducked out from behind the tapestry and bolted. I was really running now, pelting as fast as I could down that corridor. Make it to lunch, James Bond, just make it to lunch. You can do this Lily! Escape!

The last thing I heard before hurtling through a shortcut to the first floor made me laugh.

"Hey was that Evans?-Argh! Get off me! Bloody hell what are you doing Prongs?"

"I'd say he jumped at the chance to save the damsel in distress, right Peter?"

"I think you'd be correct in that assumption Moony."

Clearly I need to reassess my affinity with James Bond.

* * *

**A/N**

**So this turned out worse than I wanted it to. It also started running and never really let me get my footing. Sorry about the changing tense's. (ewwww)**

**I still think (hope to god) it's funny.**

**Oof. I wrote this way too quickly. I have brain freeze.**

**_mulberryjam_**


End file.
